Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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