you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
