'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We need to get me chipped asap
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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