Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
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We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
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I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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