Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Randomize
