Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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