Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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