I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
