I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
