Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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