I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
