yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Randomize
