my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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