shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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