My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
