The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
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Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
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I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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