This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
