Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
