Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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