she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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