you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
zippers are such a cool invention
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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