i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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