Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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