There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
