we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
