I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
