booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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