You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
