I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
