just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
