sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
