Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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