you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
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If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
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You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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