why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
