i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
she looked like the before picture.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
