Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
