i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
her vagine was all disorganized.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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