You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
