you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
