I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
