Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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