Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
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I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
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we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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