Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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