Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
