I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize