I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Verdict: uncircumcised.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
