woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
