just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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