I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
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Even my vagina gasped.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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