she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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