can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
