my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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