I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
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But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
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I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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