im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
