How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
