I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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