The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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