SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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