At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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